


A Terrible Suspicion

by nanuk_dain



Series: Drift Compatible [31]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 06:55:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4128909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann Gottlieb has a terrible suspicion which he doesn't want to be true and seeks advice. Aleksis Kaidonovsky and Caitlin Lightcap are two of the people he asks. It's Newton he pointedly <i>doesn't</i> talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Terrible Suspicion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MeganMoonlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganMoonlight/gifts), [dea_umbrium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dea_umbrium/gifts).



> This story is for two people in particular, my dear MeganMoonlight and dea_umbrium, because I know you've both been waiting for it. I hope it was worth the wait! It's a very long fic, even by my standards, and it's all Newt & Hermann for you, sprinkled with a bit of Aleksis and Caitlin Lightcap! Enjoy it!

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, 15th January 2025_

 

It's two o'clock. In the _morning_.

The sheets are fresh and crisp, the temperature in his quarters is adequate and the mattress is comfortable. He should be sleeping. There is no obvious reason why he isn't.

Hermann stares at the ceiling and frowns. He hates lying awake. It's such a waste of time.

Usually he just gets up and goes back to work on nights like this, but he knows for a fact that Newton is still in the lab working on his pet project, that drift device he's been planning for ages. And Newton is exactly the one person he does _not_ want to have contact with right now.

Newton and his reckless ideas. It's a pity they usually work out, or he would have learned a long time ago to be a bit more rational and not to listen to his hunches quite so much. Just take that drift with the Kaiju brain he did. It's common knowledge that the neural surge of a solo drift is too much for the human brain, never mind if it's to pilot a Jaeger or to tap into a Kaiju's brain. Even Newton should have known that - and he probably did, too. But, careless wannabe rock star he is, he jumped in. Head first. Without a safety harness.

And it worked. When it really shouldn't have.

And then Hermann somehow got the stupid notion to join him for that second drift. He's definitely spending to much time with Newton, otherwise he would never have done something so insane. So risky. So reckless.

Hermann is _never_ reckless. He knows better.

Or so he thought. If he's honest with himself - and he always is, it's one of his fundamental rules of living a healthy life - he has to admit that he didn't think, he just jumped with Newton. Of course he'd been very worried about the fact that only two Kaiju had shown up instead of three as there should have been, but that would never have been enough to make him join a crazy, reckless Kaiju groupie in a drift experiment with a just recently deceased infant Kaiju using a totally makeshift and highly improvised device that was probably more dangerous than the Kaiju itself.

With an annoyed sigh Hermann turns on his left side to take the strain of his bad leg. It's starting to cramp, a sure sign that he's getting worked up. It's another thing he hates, even more than lying awake.

It's all Newton's fault, anyway. Newton and his reckless ideas. 

It has been a week now. A week, and for every single one of those seven days has he noticed things that may or may not have been there all along. About him and Newton and their interaction. Maybe he was too busy, too focussed on other, more important things to notice them before. Because it's right after their drift that Hermann gets this terrible, horrible, awful suspicion. He doesn't talk about it because he can't bear to, he's too afraid to be right. That triple event taught him that being right isn't always a good thing.

He and Newton show all the signs of being a perfect match. 

They're not even pilots, so under normal circumstances they would never have found out because they would never have drifted together. But the circumstances weren't normal back then, and Newton was - _is_ \- even less so. He's too busy and excited about his new pet project to pay any attention to the signs Hermann keeps finding all over the place - or rather, all over _them_. Right now, Hermann is quietly grateful for Newton's ignorance. 

His first instinct was that it couldn't be. Not only because they're certainly no warriors, but because of _what_ they are - totally incompatible, there's no doubt about that. Everybody would confirm that after only two minutes of knowing them. Just the idea that he and _Newton_ of all people should be drift compatible is so absurd it's laughable, and taking it one step further to make them a perfect match is absolutely impossible. He'd even convinced himself of it to the point that he'd forgotten about that strange thought.

Until he found out that he could still feel Newton in what the pilots call the drift hangover - _two days_ after their drift. That shouldn't have been possible. The lingering neural connection should have faded entirely by then, or at least almost entirely. 

Well, it hadn't. It still hasn't.

Suspicious, Hermann went over all the data recorded from their drift with the infant Kaiju - he still refuses to use the name Baby Otachi like Newton does, as if he's talking about his pet - and although there wasn't nearly as much 'pilot' related data collected as in a Jaeger drift, there's some. It all indicates that their synchronicity was actually at one hundred per cent - something only ever recorded for perfect matches - and their brain scans show the same pattern typical for perfect matches. Still, it's only vague data because the drift device was improvised by Newton in less than perfect conditions, and therefore the complete and conclusive gathering of data wasn't a priority. The outcome of the recording is spotty at best. 

Still, the indications are there. Hermann groans and drags his hand over his face. How is he supposed to live with this... _knowledge_? With the fact that he can pick up Newton's feelings loud and clear? It's too much, he's not equipped to deal with such unwanted closeness, even if it's mental rather than physical. 

Because Newton has _a lot_ of feelings. Usually they're very strong, too.

Hermann doesn't like having to deal with feelings. They're messy, they're chaotic, they're exhausting and completely incomprehensible. They lead to misunderstandings and drama. Hermann prefers numbers, they don't do any of that. They're demanding, sure, but they're always logical, always predictable and they never ever have emotional breakdowns (he has seen them _cause_ emotional breakdowns, though. You have to be strong to be a mathematician, and some people just can't deal with it, he thinks smugly). 

He has to do something. He's a scientist, so he'll do what any good scientist would do: gather information. Herman decides that he needs to do some research to find out if his suspicion is true or complete nonsense. The first logical step is to ask somebody at the source, somebody who's actually part of a perfect match and therefore can give him inside information. There are not that many people he can ask. Obviously the Marshal is out of the question since he's still in a coma and Hermann doesn't think Ranger Hansen has the patience to deal with his questions right now. The man is utterly busy running the Shatterdome and trying to win over the press. His son and Mr. Becket are not people Hermann can imagine talking with about something that personal. Also, they're a pretty new perfect match, their experience is limited. That leaves one person he knows he can talk to, somebody who will actually take the time to listen and then answer absolutely honestly.

Aleksis Kaidonovsky. 

Astonishingly enough, it's only Sasha Hermann is actually kind of scared of. Let's just say he has a healthy respect for the female pilot. Aleksis on the other hand, he feels comfortable with. Maybe it's because Aleksis likes number - it's a well kept secret, but Hermann is one of the few people who know that Aleksis does his own engineering and therefore his own calculations in his spare time. He asked Hermann to check one of his calculations once, that's how they came in contact. At first, Hermann thought the Russian had either mistakenly ended up in his lab, or that Newt had done something stupid and Aleksis was looking for him to kill him.

Aleksis is a quiet man, but many people mistake his silence for lack of intelligence. Herman has to admit that he did so too, before he got to know the Russian. Sasha is definitely the more flamboyant one of the pair, even if she's not the most talkative either, and Aleksis tends to disappear next to her, never mind his physical size. They're playing on those stereotypes, Hermann has seen them do it countless times. Most people never even realise they've been had. Those two have a twisted sense of humour. Hermann is relieved that he seems to be excluded from their subtle but mean games with people's assumptions.

Yes, Aleksis will tell him the truth about perfect matches. He may even help him find out if Newton and he are one, or if maybe, hopefully, Hermann can forget the entire insane idea and go back to his life like it was before the drift with Newton screwed it up. It's all Newton's fault, did he mention that before?

Yes, he'll talk to Aleksis first thing tomorrow morning. He can go visit him in the med bay on the pretext that he's there for a game of chess, like he did several times since the double event. Because whenever there is a moment of quiet Herman and Aleksis like to play a round. The good thing is that they don't even need a chessboard to do so, they play in their minds. Sometimes they tell each other the next move when they pass each other in the hallway or the mess hall. Three or four words, and the game is still on. Their longest one lasted almost a week, but admittedly, Aleksis had to deploy in the middle of it. Hermann knows that Newton has picked up on their games by now, but it took him very very long. Hermann guesses that it's the fact that it's Aleksis Kaidonovsky he's playing mind chess with that deterred Newton for so long. Most people assume he doesn't even know the rules. 

They are so wrong. Sasha and Aleksis have been playing mind chess for ages, and Aleksis told him once that being a perfect match actually makes the visualisation so much easier. They literally share the thought of the chess board. 

Hermann can't imagine doing that with Newton, perfect match or not. Newton doesn't have the patience for chess, never mind a week long game. He'll be head over heels in Kaiju remains before they'll ever manage to get past the first round. 

Hermann turns yet again, but sleep still won't come. Finally he switches on the reading lamp and takes his book from the beside table. He won't get any sleep tonight and he can't go to the lab to work, so he might just as well read a little until it's time to get up. 

By eight o'clock he's on his way to the medical bay. He knows Aleksis and Sasha will be up, they don't sleep in when there are things to do, and being on medical leave hasn't made them idle. There's a meeting with all the Rangers and key personnel of Operation Pitfall scheduled for ten am, after all. Hermann figures there's enough time before that to talk to Aleksis. 

When he enters their room after a polite knock, he finds Aleksis sitting in his bed with a notepad and a pen in his hands. It looks rather awkward with his left arm in a cast with scribbles all over it, most prominent a blue snowflake on his hand. He looks up when the door opens and gives Hermann a pleased smile. "Hermann. What brings you here this early?"

"I was wondering if you fancy a game of chess." Hermann knows he sounds wooden and uncomfortable, but he can't help it. Aleksis is used to it.

"You need to clear your mind?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and puts pad and pen aside. He knows Hermann pretty well by now if he can tell about his inner unrest after just thirty seconds in the same room.

"A game might help." Hermann doesn't deny it because he never lies to Aleksis. The Russian is way too good at seeing through him, and Hermann prefers not to feel like a fool for lying when Aleksis points it out. Because he will, he's direct like that. Hermann learned that the hard way. It was very embarrassing and he doesn't intend to ever repeat the experience.

Hermann sits down in the chair and looks at the empty bed that's pushed together with Aleksis' to form one big mattress. "Where is Sasha?"

"She's in physical therapy and gets tortured." Aleksis pointedly jerks his shoulders up and down. "She calls it a massage, but I know she hates it - contrary to the massages I give her. So it's torture, no matter what she calls it. She'll be back in time for the meeting." 

"The one Marshal Hansen called for ten o'clock." It's not really a question, of course it's that meeting. There is no other.

" _Da_. She wouldn't miss that for the world. Sounds like it'll be quite interesting." 

"It certainly will be." Hermann plays nervously with his cane, his fingers passing over the polished brass head in a steady pattern. He looks up when the silence stretches for too long.

"You are not here for chess." Aleksis points out, making no effort to be polite. It's just his way, and it took Hermann some time to get used to his directness that often collides with politeness, but now he quite likes how it simplifies things. 

"No, it's not my only reason." Hermann admits after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Maybe he should try the direct approach that Aleksis favours so much. "What does it feel like to find... well, to have a perfect match?"

"It's quite different if you're in an active neural handshake or just the ghost drift. But basically it's like you're connected to another person on a level deeper than anything you have ever come across. You share thoughts - doesn't mean you agree, but you can feel them. During the drift everything is absolutely clear. No questions, no hesitation. You don't share your mind, you _are_ one mind." Aleksis shrugs, then he smirks. "It can be very annoying, too. Especially the ghost drift. Sasha loves to send me naughty images at the most inappropriate moments. Images work better than words. Can be very distracting. It's good that I can get out of most situations just by looking menacing."

Hermann listens with a mixture of fascination and dread. Aleksis is pretty much describing exactly what is happening with Newton and him - well, minus the naughty thoughts, but that's probably only because Newton hasn't found out about the possibility yet. So much for Hermann's hopes of it all being just his overactive imagination. 

"Why the sudden interest?" Aleksis asks, and his voice may sound casual, but there's a sharpness to his gaze that makes Hermann's skin prickle uncomfortably. He still doesn't want to say his suspicion out aloud. It's a bit like that'll make it real.

"You have found your match?" Only for the fraction of a second does Aleksis look surprised, then a huge grin spreads over his face. "It's Newt, isn't it? Your crazy science partner that you supposedly can't stand?"

"He's not my 'science partner'!" Hermann retorts immediately, it's a reflex of some kind. Only then does he realise that he didn't actually deny it.

"You suspect he is your perfect match." It doesn't really sound like a question. It kind of annoys Hermann how little surprise there is in Aleksis's voice. 

"'Fear it' would be the more accurate choice of words." Hermann can't help pointing out. "But I don't know."

"You know. You feel it." Aleksis insists in that simple, straightforward way he has with all the things Hermann regards as utterly complicated. He looks at equations the same way, and it fascinates Hermann. He doesn't understand how anybody can simplify things so much and still not lose any of their complexity. Hermann desperately wished he knew how to do that, especially when it concerns other humans.

Hermann frowns, dissatisfied. "That is not helping me."

"I think it is." Aleksis simply answers back, and there's not much Hermann can say to that that wouldn't be either affirmative or outright rude. He's not willing to be either.

After contemplating his options, Hermann decides for another course of action. "You don't seem surprised."

"It's no secret that you two don't really hate each other. You behave already like an old married couple, and have for years. I never expected you to be a perfect match, though. It's such a rare thing." Aleksis looks at him for a long moment, tapping the index finger of his broken arm on his chin, deep in thought. "Although, it does make sense."

Hermann doesn't agree, but he refrains from pointing that out. He and Newton make no sense at all. They're totally opposite, they're always at odds, they don't even get along. It certainly does _not_ make sense that they're a perfect match. Rangers should be, not scientists.

"You should talk to him." Aleksis serious voice interrupts Hermann's train of thoughts.

He can't help pulling a face. "We'll see."

"He will notice, Hermann. He feels it, too. It's a two way street." There's experience colouring his words, and Hermann can't help wondering how he and Sasha first found out they were a perfect match - the first one in the PPDC's history, on top of that. It doesn't sound like it was easy.

Hermann only sighs, and it comes from the bottom of his heart. "I know."

"Talk to him." Somehow Aleksis manages to make it sound more like advice than an order.

"I shall." Hermann agrees after a moment of silence. He knows Aleksis is right. It will only get very complicated it he doesn't clear the air with Newton. Hermann slowly gets up to leave and stands next to the bed, hesitating. Then he gives Aleksis a short, but sincere nod. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome, Hermann." Aleksis smirks, it's obvious that he's satisfied with the outcome of this conversation. But Hermann still has questions. Things that are more on the scientific side of it all, and Aleksis can't answer all his queries, after all. There is no doubt that the perfect person to talk to happens to be right here in this Shatterdome at the moment - Dr. Caitlin Lightcap. She is _the_ leading expert in the field of drifting. She brought it to the point where it could actually be used in a Jaeger, after all, and was the first person to ever engage in a drift. And she found out about the perfect match phenomenon. Who better to ask then her? 

It's late in the afternoon before Hermann gets the opportunity to talk to Dr. Lightcap, though. The meeting at ten o'clock and the aftermath keep him very busy, and then Dr. Lightcap is in a meeting with Miss Mori for a long time. It gives Hermann enough time to think about a pretence for his sudden interest in perfect matches, because he doesn't want to admit his suspicion to somebody who may be an expert, but technically is a stranger to him. He may have worked with Dr. Lightcap when he wrote the programming code for the Mark I series, but they never had a lot of interaction. And somehow this entire affair with Newton and him possibly being a perfect match feels too private to discuss with a stranger. He can discuss it in the abstract, but not when it's clear that he's talking about himself. 

It's almost five o'clock when Hermann arrives at the lab Dr Lightcap has set up with Mr. Choi's help immediately after her arrival. Hermann made an appointment with Dr. Lightcap to make it more official, and already let her know that he's looking into aspects of the perfect match connection because he will join Newton in his pet project. It sounds plausible enough, he thinks.

Dr. Lightcap is reviewing some data on one of the many screen in her lab when Hermann knocks on the doorframe since the door itself is wide open and he feels uncomfortable to just walk in.

"Oh, Dr. Gottlieb, come in." She gives him a smile and motions at one of the chairs next to her. "I'm sorry for the mess. I don't have an office, I basically work only out of the lab."

"That is no problem, Dr. Lightcap. I have the same arrangement." Hermann likes labs better than offices anyway. He takes out his notepad and pencil - yes, he still thinks that the brain remembers things better when you physically write them down - and sits down on the chair she offers. 

Dr. Lightcap quickly saves whatever she was working on, then she turns towards him. "So, do you have any specific questions about perfect matches? I'm sure you have a broad knowledge of the subject already, so let's cut the basic stuff and get right to the heart of the issue. I have you know, though, that there's very little research specifically concerning the perfect match phenomenon."

"I am aware. And I do have a few specific questions." Hermann spent a part of the afternoon preparing this meeting, and now he's glad he did. Proper preparation prevents poor performance, after all. "We know of very few perfect matches so far, and all of them are Rangers, either pilots in training or active. My first question is: Could a perfect match exist in people who aren't pilots?" 

"It sure could. It's very likely, even." Dr. Lightcap confirms his worst fear - or rather destroys his biggest hope, meaning that non-pilots can't be perfect matches. It would have resolved his entire dilemma. "The perfect match theory isn't an invention of the Jaeger era. It has existed as long as humans do. It's just that now, with the specifics of the Jaeger piloting system, it became relevant for the first time in ages - because having a perfect match pilot a Jaeger has a huge impact on the Jaeger's performance. But I'm sure that many soldiers throughout the ages can tell you something that sounds suspiciously like a perfect match. That one guy who always just seemed to know what they were thinking, the best comrade to have in combat with you, awesome cooperation that needs no words, that kind of thing. For warriors it has been very important for centuries. They just didn't call it a perfect match."

Hermann nods and makes notes of what she says. It makes perfect sense, he has already expected this kind of answer. Still, he had to make sure. "What would be the best method to find out if two people are a perfect match? Have you ever specifically tested for it?"

"Well, since the phenomenon was an accidental discovery and concerned only four pilot teams out of over forty, no, we haven't specifically tested for it. Fact is that a perfect match just happens or not, and it's not predictable by the amount of suspected compatibility between two pilots. Testing for it would be expensive, take a lot of time and have a very low success rate. The fact alone that the PPDC never even funded research on the subject, although a perfect match means almost invincible Jaeger co-pilots that are valued highly, tells you all you need to know about the expected success rate." Dr. Lightcap shrugs, and she looks unhappy. It's quite obvious that she would like to do some research herself, but Hermann is reasonably sure that the funding situation is even worse now than it was before. They may have closed the Breach, but that didn't exactly make the PPDC rich. Quite the opposite, actually.

"So what would you do to find out if there is a perfect match compatibility between two people?" Hermann asks to get back on the subject. He still hopes there's some way for him to test, to make really really sure, before he talks to Newton. He doesn't like going into a conversation like this without having all the fact. _Facts_ , not suspicions, mind you.

"It's obviously best to have the potential team engage in a drift and monitor their brain activity." Dr. Lightcap replies immediately. It's obvious she has also recently delved into the subject again and loves it with a passion. "The thing is, it seems that the first drift initiates the lingering neural connection - the ghost drift or drift hangover as the pilots call it - and that it does _not_ manifest before that first neural handshake. From what little information I have, the perfect matches had a closer than normal connection to each other before, but it was the first drift that opened the link. They report about being able to feel their partner's feeling - and occasionally also thoughts - even after the neural handshake is disengaged. Contrary to normally linked pilots where the lingering neural connection is not that strong and fades within a day or two, the perfect match maintains the same connection." 

She hesitates for a moment, then she seems to come to a decision. "From one exceptional match I even know that _years_ of not drifting did not make their ghost drift fade."

Hermann knows she has to be talking about the Marshal and Ranger Hansen. The things Newton told him about years ago, the things he had discovered in the Marshal's medical record, come to Hermann's mind. That the Marshal is a perfect match with Hansen, and that he can never drift again without the risk of dying from the neural damage. And now that he _did_ engage in a drift, he's in a coma. Just as predicted.

But he's not dead. Opposite to what was predicted. If Hermann found out one thing during his time working for the Marshall, then that he's a very strong man who doesn't break easily. That he's still alive proves this theory right.

"Does that mean that two people could be a perfect match without ever knowing about it as long as they don't engage in a neural handshake?"

"That's correct." Dr. Lighcap confirms, then she corrects herself. "Well, almost. I talked a little bit to Mr Becket today after the meeting, asked him if he was willing to do some tests for me since he's the only other pilot who ever drove solo and survived. And he's part of a perfect match, too, so he fits the Marshal's profile very well. I think the data we can get from him can improve our understanding of not only the drift, but also the role a perfect match connection plays. Well, back to your question, he told me that he knew - and I quote - 'with absolute certainty' that he and Chuck Hansen were a perfect match after they'd got in a brawl in the hallway in front of the Marshal's office."

"That's interesting." Hermann cocks his head to the side. He wasn't privy to that information before, and it sheds a new light on his feeling that he and Newton might be a perfect match. Because if he's honest, it never was a 'might be' - it pretty much was certainty ever since their drift. He just didn't - and still doesn't - want it to be true.

"Indeed, it is." Dr. Lightcap agrees with a nod. "Especially considering that they didn't know each other before beyond a few - if I'm informed correctly - not very friendly words. So there was no reason to even assume compatibility, the topic had never even come up since Mr Becket was doing tryouts with other potential co-pilots and Mr Hansen was already part of a very successful team." 

"Have you talked to Mr Hansen yet, if it was the same for him? Or to other pilots who are part of a perfect match - it should be feasible considering that we have three out of five perfect matches here in the Shatterdome." Hermann can't help being curious despite himself.

Dr. Lightcap shakes her head with a sad smile. "No, I haven't. And the saddest part is that I can't lose focus of my objective, which is to find a way to get the Marshal back. It's not to do profound research about perfect matches, no matter how much I would like to do that. Not only is there no funding for it, but it's also not the most pressing subject right now."

"I understand that." Hermann admits, although he too would like there to be some research about perfect matches. It would help his situation greatly. But he sees that the health of the Marshal has priority right now - they all want him back on his feet. He's the pillar of the PPDC, the one who made it go on when almost everybody else had given up on it. He made sure they did everything in their power to close the Breach, and now he's paying with his health for it. Maybe even his life. His recovery should be their focus. They owe it to him after everything he did. "How is the Marshal doing?"

"He has physical injuries caused by the express mode ejection of the escape pod, but that's something the medical staff can tell you more about than I can. But what really worries me is that his brain scans indicate that there's something very wrong." She frowns and gently shakes her head. "It's almost like he has shut down, but from Herc Hansen I know that he's still in there. I'm keeping him in a medically induced coma because I'm reasonably sure that waking up in that condition will cause havoc to his mind. I'm sure it was caused by the drift he engaged in, but it's not as clear cut as I expected. By all means, he should be dead. But he isn't, and I think that being in the drift with his perfect match plays a huge part in that. Now I just need to find out what to do to get him out of the standby mode his mind is in." 

"Thank you for your time, Dr. Lightcap." Hermann says politely, and gets up from his chair. "You have been of great help."

"You're welcome." She shakes his hand and smiles. "I greatly appreciate it that there's finally some interest coming up for the topic of the perfect match connection. It's about time, and if I can't do that research myself, I'm happy to help whoever does it."

"We're not doing official research, I fear." Hermann feels the need to correct her, because he's not quite sure what Newton's pet project really is about, and he himself is certainly not doing anything official. He doesn't want to give the wrong impression. She should be the one doing this perfect match research, and he's not going to claim doing it if all he's _actually_ doing is trying to figure out this issue with Newton.

"Most research starts like that." She says with a smirk that tells him that she's been in the situation herself before. "Oh, and please tell Newt that 'd love to hear more about his drift project, if he has a spare moment. He already told me a bit about it, and I think it might tie in with my research concerning the Marshal's condition."

"I will let him know. I'm sure he's eager to get to exchange notes with you." Hermann knows that Newton and Dr Lightcap have only met once or twice before, but they've had written contact a lot more. Now that they're in the same Shatterdome, Newton was talking about how he plans to engage her help for his pet project, and it seems he's already been doing the ground work of getting her interested.

Hermann leaves the improvised lab with mixed feelings. He learned a few things that were new to him, but he's not sure yet how that will help him deal with Newton. He decides to go to the mess hall to get dinner and take some time to think about his problem. Maybe some food and a cup of tea will make him see things clearer.

It's almost half past six when Hermann returns to the lab. Newton is sitting in front of his computer and seems to be reading something, and he only gives a distracted nod to Hermann when he enters. Hermann decides to forgo his computer and instead goes straight for the blackboard and takes up a halfway used piece of chalk. He will go over some of his most recent calculations again. Numbers calm him, they make him see things clearly, and the simple act of writing with chalk on a blackboard helps him order his thoughts. He doesn't only use the old-fashioned blackboards because he's eccentric, after all.

As soon as Hermann is in the flow of numbers, he loses himself in their straightforward clarity. It's a thrill he always feels when things work out, when puzzle pieces come together and equations make sense. Time flies. The world ceases to exist, the only remaining connection is the chalk in his hand and the blackboard in front of him. When he finally comes out of it again, the blackboard is scribbled full of his newest ideas and he stands in front of it for a moment to contemplate the direction his calculations are taking. 

"Hey, Herm!" Newton's voice interrupts his musings, and Hermann feels irritation creep up his spine. He doesn't react, but that doesn't deter Newton at all. He's immune to subtleties like that.

"Herm, are you back in this world yet?" The proximity of the noise tells Hermann that Newton has come up to him. There's no avoiding him, and since Hermann knows that for sure, he decided to face the music instead.

"I am working." It's a useless attempt to dissuade him, but Hermann still gives it a try. He doesn't feel read to deal with Newton and their perfect match issue yet. It doesn't help that he's already getting waves of Newton's curiosity over the ghost drift. It's worse when they're physically close, another reason why he has avoided Newton in the past few days.

"So, I've heard you talked to Caitlin today." Newton is standing right next to him, closer than he would have before their drift. It drives Hermann crazy, but he forces himself to remain composed. "What was that about?"

They're on a first name basis already. Interesting. "If it was your business, I would have told you."

"Well, since she told me that you were about to join my pet project, I kind of think that it is my business. Although I would have liked to hear that from you rather than from somebody else." Newton projects mild annoyance not only by the frown on his face, but also over the link between them. Hermann fells himself stiffen, and his grip on his cane tightens. He doesn't like feeling cornered, never mind that it's mental more than physical, and he refuses to answer.

"So what is all that secrecy about, Herm?" Netwon turns towards him and takes a step closer so that Hermann instinctively backs up until he feels something hard in his back. Newton now corners him rather bodily between the empty Kaiju brain tank and his own body. "There's something off with you, you're worried about something. And it has something to do with me. Don't deny it, I've felt it for the past week."

There it is again, one of those blatant signs that Newton just doesn't see. He has been _feeling_ that something is off with Hermann because there is, and they still have traces of their drift linger. Just that it should have worn off a day or two afterwards, like Dr. Lightcap had said, it shouldn't still be there a _week_ later! After just _one_ drift! There's no denying the facts anymore. 

There are so many signs pointing at their perfect match connection right now, in this very moment. Like the fact that Newton almost has him pressed against the empty brain tank. That would never have happened before. But since their drift, Newton has begun to touch him. Little things, a hand on his arm or a bump of the shoulder, but the important thing is that he _does_ it. So maybe their relationship has been a little bit more physical since that one time when Newton gave him Peruvian cookies a few years ago, but it was never _that_ physical. Newton always respected his personal space, no matter how much he bugged him otherwise.

He doesn't since the drift. It's also not something he does on purpose, he doesn't do it to rile Hermann up or make him feel uncomfortable. No, he does it because he gets the feedback over their ghost drift that Hermann - and here he's honest with himself again - doesn't mind it. He's horrified to find out that he actually _likes_ Newton close to him, and that feeling transmits - and therefore Newton touches him. And the worst is that since Hermann noticed it and started to pay attention to it, he found out that he can tell quite accurately how Newton is feeling, what's going on inside his head. 

He really never wanted that. Newton's mind is quite a scary place in Hermann's opinion. 

"Are you going to remain silent forever, now? Come on, Hermann, I _know_ something is off. You're not eating enough - I saw you skip lunch three times in the past week! - and you're brooding all the time, and you look like you're expecting a new Breach to pop up in our lab at any moment. Like the world is coming to an end - and I might remind you here that you didn't look like that when it _was_ actually ending. You coped pretty well with that. And now that we've managed to collapse the Breach - yes, I'm well aware it's only temporary, I was in there with you, after all - you suddenly seem to take a turn for the worse. You're not getting depressed, are you? I mean, there's still plenty of stuff to do and -"

"I think we might be a perfect match!" Hermann blurts out because it's too much, he just wants it out of his system.

For a glorious second, Newton is absolutely quiet and just looks perplexed. "Oh, _that's_ what's been driving you crazy? Really? It's not like it's new or anything."

Hermann can't do anything but stare at him, stupefied. Maybe he heard wrong? Yes, he must have heard wrong.

Newt frowns as it dawns on him. "Oh my, it _was_ new to you, wasn't it?"

It takes all of Hermann's deeply ingrained discipline to actually form words without hitting Newton with his cane. He has to grit his teeth while speaking, though. "I take it it wasn't new to _you_ , then."

"Oh no. I mean, it's been going on for years now. Of course our drift clarified a few things - I didn't really think in terms of perfect matches when it comes to non-pilots - but I've kind of suspected it for a long time. You know, just how we always know what the other is doing and thinking, how to best annoy each other, when _not_ to annoy each other. And honestly, who else would stick together like we do when everybody else thinks we hate each other. Okay, it's hard not to think that from an outside perspective, but since I kind of feel what you feel, I know better. Insider knowledge and so-"

"Newton!" Hermann feels like he's close to ripping Newton's head of. Or throw him into the next Breach that might open. With a dead Kaiju wrapped around his neck to make sure that the portal lets him pass.

"Yeah?" Newt actually looks surprised and expectant, a bit like a puppy that doesn't know what it did wrong.

"You _knew_ about this." Hermann growls - honest to god growls, because for once in his life he's really angry. There he was, worrying about this for _a week_ , and Newton has known - or suspected - that they're a perfect match for _years_ and never said a word! How could he?!?

"Yeah, I knew. Well, knew _for sure_ since the drift." He shrugs, and it looks sincere. "I thought you did, too. And that you just didn't want to talk about it. You know, keep up your gruffy image and all that." 

"So you didn't say a thing. How considerate. My wishes usually doesn't keep you from doing or saying anything." Hermann knows, feels over their connection that Newton is saying the truth, and he can't help his anger easing at that. 

"Well, this is rather personal. And, you know, important." Newton shrugs again, and it looks somehow vulnerable. "You had to know after our drift with Baby Otachi. I mean, it was blatantly obvious that we were at one hundred per cent compatibility - and not only because the drift surveillance data said that. And the ghost drift didn't fade, that's a dead giveaway." 

"So I learned from Dr. Lightcap." Hermann says wryly. There's no reason anymore to keep quiet about his visit to consult her about perfect matches.

"Ohhhhh." A grin spreads over Newton's face. "You tried to find out if there was any truth to your suspicion."

"Something like that." Hermann looks down at Newton who's still standing closer than appropriate, but Hermann can't say it causes him the amount of discomfort that it would have had it been anybody else. It's still a strange sensation, though. He's so used to being uncomfortable when people come close to him that it takes some effort not to tense now that Newton is almost touching him.

"By the way, I wanted to ask you something, and since we kind of slithered into the whole thing already..." Newton stops, biting his lip and the frown on his forehead tells Hermann that he's thinking about how to go on. For once in his life Newton looks hesitant, a bit as if he's embarrassed and scared at the same time. It's a look Hermann has never before seen on him, and he hates to admit it, but it worries him. Usually Newton doesn't have a shy bone in his body.

"What do you want to ask me, Newton?" Hermann decides to dig when Newton almost stubbornly remains quiet. He really doesn't seem to know how to continue, and that's definitely a first.

"Well, you know how I was working on that drift device, the one for Pentecost and Hansen? I'm done, but I can't test it, because it's modified for the special needs of a perfect match and you know that there aren't many of those around anymore and I was thinking about maybe asking Sasha and Aleksis, but they're still pretty banged up, same goes for Chuck and Raleigh, and -"

The epiphany hits Hermann like a lorry at full speed going downhill. "You want to test it _on us_. On you and me." 

"Yeah, well, we're a perfect match, so we could, technically." Newton shrugs yet again, this time obviously trying to look casual.

"So what happens if we test it and then find out that we're _not_ a perfect match after all? Do our brains get electrocuted?"

"No worries, we _are_ a perfect match." There's no doubt in his voice at all. "But to answer your question, there's been no test before, so we'll find out, I guess."

"You can't be serious." Hermann takes a deep breath and does his uttermost to remain calm. It's beneath him to get verbally abusive. But the idea is so like Newton, to just go and jump and think about possible consequences later. Just that in this case, they might not be able to think anymore once the device is done with them.

"We drifted with a Kaiju with a makeshift drift invention of mine made out of garbage, and I didn't kill us, did I?" Newton looks smug, and Hermann feels the urge to hit him with his cane return. Instead he only inclines his head, that's as much of an admission as he's willing to make. Of course it doesn't help that Newton is right.

"Well, and..." Newton stops, as if he's searching for words. When Hermann looks at him, there's really and truly a blush on Newton's cheeks and he's licking his lips nervously and clears his throat twice before he continues. Hermann doesn't quite dare to believe his eyes. "I... I kind of wanted to drift with you again ever since Baby Otachi. Just without a Kaiju in the middle this time, you know, and the whole hive mind overwhelming us. Just you and me."

It leaves Hermann speechless. Because he can feel that Newton means it, that he's nervous, no, _scared_ that Hermann will reject him. This might be the most important moment in the entire time they've known each other, Hermann suddenly realises. His answer will define their interaction - no, their _relationship_ \- for the rest of their lives. There's no fixing this if he does anything wrong now. It's not like his equations, he can always erase a line and redo it. That's why he likes them so much. Humans, in the other hand, humans he doesn't understand. There's no redoing any interaction between them. Everything is carved into the memory, unerasable, fixed. 

Hermann finds that he really, really doesn't want to inadvertently break his relationship with Newton beyond repair. But he also knows that he's very bad at dealing with people, at doing the sensitive thing, and he's scared that he might ruin all his chances just by being who he is. Over the ghost drift he feels the level of anxiety rise in Newton with every second that passes in silence, and he knows he has to say something, right now.

"I trusted you when we drifted the first time, and I'm willing to do it again." Hermann says the only thing that comes to his mind, and he desperately hopes that it's the right thing. He's not sure at all. Ghost drift or not, he still openly admits that he doesn't understand Newton enough to predict his reaction in such an unfamiliar situation.

A smile spreads over Newton's face, faint at first but growing in intensity with every moment. It's accompanied by an almost physical warmth that Herman only realises after a few seconds comes also over their connection. He doesn't have the time to analyse the feeling any more, though, because suddenly Newton jumps to action.

"Here, check out my new squid caps!" He's across the lab and at his work station within seconds, and Hermann is surprised by the strange feeling of missing his closeness. It's definitely new for him, he's never experienced that before. He pushes it aside and follows Newton, who's excitedly pushing buttons, obviously setting up his pet project drift device for their trip. Hermann still has his doubts about the wisdom of joining Newton in testing this device, but he's given his word, and he will stand by it. 

Newton keeps talking while pressing one of the two squid caps in his hand, and Hermann can't hide that he's impressed with it. It's smaller, more compact, and most importantly, wireless. Newton must have put a real effort in this project, Hermann thinks. Obviously he's been at it for years, but it's just since the double event that he's really been focussing on it. And ever since he learned that the Marshal is in a coma that's possibly caused by his drift, he's been doubling his efforts. The fact alone that he has the system ready and running just three days after the collapse of the Breach tells more about the amount of work he put in in than any words ever could. 

"Now, the caps work pretty much like the old ones, just a bit more refined. Just put in on and press the top." Newton demonstrated with his own cap, and the familiar red lights come on as soon as he activates it. Hermann follows his example and watches Newton specify some parameters of the drift in the dialogue window on the screen. It's a different setup than those Hermann knows because the third entity is missing for this drift, and obviously that changes how the drift works. Interesting.

"Ready?" Newton asks with the remote control in his hand. It's still the functional and not very pretty wired control box he used for the drifts with the Kaiju. Obviously his effort went more into the designs of the squid caps than into making the machine look professional. Now is definitely not the time to think about the duct tape Hermann can see on the side of the apparatus. 

Hermann presses his lips together and gives a resolute nod. He doesn't feel ready, but this is important in so many ways that he will not hesitate.

"Going in in three, two, one..." Newton holds his gaze, steady and sure. Hermann can't look away, he's caught in that gaze, and then he's hit with the onslaught of the initiation of the drift. It's as overwhelming and terrifying and intoxicating as he remembers it. It's a blur of feelings, sensations, memories, visual and otherwise, and all he can do it allow it to flow through him, leaving a mark in his own memories, an imprint of Newton. He feels how Newton experiences his memories, how he takes them in and files them away in some part of his mind because he wants to know Hermann, he wants to understand him, wants to be there.

And right then Hermann sees it, feels it. How Newton sees him, what he feels when he sees him. He learns that Newton finds his scowl adorable and does everything he can to make Hermann do it because he likes it so much. He sees himself limp tiredly through the lab and feels Newt's desire to sit him down and massage the kinks out of his leg. It's so personal, so intimate, so _caring_ that it makes Hermann blush.

And then he sees himself through Newton's eyes, with his perception and his feelings tingeing the picture. It takes Hermann's breath away because he never knew, never expected that _anybody_ could see him like that.

Newton finds him unbelievably attractive and sexy - _him_ , the grumpy, crippled, old-fashioned hermit who only ever really understood numbers, but never people. It's not that Newton just _tolerates_ those traits, no, he actually likes them or finds them _cute_! 

Newt _wants_ him. 

_All_ of him.

Hermann acts before he can even think about it. He has reached for Newton, pulling him close and his lips pressed against his, within the fraction of a second. It's rather clumsy and awkward, he's off centre and they collide too hard, but Newton doesn't pull back to complain. No, his hands cup Hermann's jaws instead, make him turn his head ever so slightly and suddenly they fit, lips slotting together perfectly. Herman feels Newton's tongue caressing his lips, almost a wordless question, and he opens to him a little nervously. 

Then he's hit with the backlash of Newton's pleasure, his excitement and his arousal, over the active neural handshake, and it pulls the rug out of under him. It's so intense that it feels like the breath is knocked out of him. He hears a low moan and only belatedly realises he's making the sound himself. There are hands on his waist, pulling him closer and closer until they touch from head to toe and Hermann actively leans in and presses against Newton's body. He feels in the drift how much it turns Newton on that he has to lean up to kiss Hermann, and that he loves the feeling of his lips and the taste of his tongue. 

And oh god, Newt knows what he's doing. Hermann would be embarrassed by the noises he's making if he could find it in him to care. He lets go of his cane to fist his hands into the fabric of Newton's already rumpled shirt at his sides, pulling it out of his trousers by accident. His cane falls to the floor with a thud, but neither of them care. Hermann finds that his hands have a mind of their own, or maybe he's just following Newton's desire, but suddenly there's bare flesh under his fingertips and his hands slide underneath Newton's shirt, caress his sides, the small of his back. Newton groans in satisfaction and melts against him, into his hands and into his body. 

And then there's a new layer of memories and emotions coming to light, and Hermann instinctively knows that they were the last secret Newton kept, the last barrier he'd upheld to protect himself. Hermann is almost overwhelmed by the pure desire, the deep affection and the sincere longing that washes over him, engulfs him and makes him feel light headed. 

Oh god, he never knew. He never knew that Newton had a crush on him for _years_. That he fell in love with him bit by bit, the more he knew Hermann, the more he wanted him. With all his imperfection, all his bad habits and unsocial behaviour. He sees fantasies Newton had, some of them so naughty that Hermann feels himself blush furiously, and he can't help but feel it go straight to his groin. He deepens the kiss, warps his arms tight around Newton and pulls him as close as physically possible.

In his mind he feels the echo of Newton's thoughts, feels his desire for him, and it makes him light headed. Newt is heartfelt passion and sincere affection, and Hermann feels himself get drunk on it. He's never been in the focus of such emotions, and he would never have truly believed them if he wasn't experiencing them first hand like he does now, through the connection of the drift. He's hard in his trousers, his erection straining almost painfully against the confines of the fabric, and all he wants is to touch Newt, to have him naked underneath him, writhing with pleasure. 

The image is so vivid that he hears Newton gasp in reaction to it. "Gosh, Herm!" 

And suddenly he feels himself pushed back and shoved up, and then he's sitting on the desk with Newton standing between his thighs. Hermann makes use of the new situation to wrap his legs around Newton's waist and create some friction, and it shoots through his entire body like a lightning. Newton shudders underneath him in reaction to the drift feedback, and his hands pull aimlessly at Hermann's clothes until he gets his hands underneath the fabric to touch his skin. Hermann is torn between pressing back into Newton's hands or forwards into his body, so he does both.

It carries him higher and higher until he's not sure anymore where he ends and Newt begins. His hands clench and unclench in Newt's hair, his breath comes quickly and irregularly, and he's licking Newt's lips, into his mouth, caressing his tongue with his own. He's lost in sensations, in feelings, his and Newton's alike, in their connection. He's lost _in Newt_ , and he doesn't want it any other way.

Just then Newton pushes his hands down the back of his trousers and takes hold of his butt, and that's it, his mind overloads, his nerves fire and orgasm hits him, washing him away into blissed out mindlessness. He feels how it takes Newton by surprise, just drags him along and he's coming too, without any control over it. Hermann is panting, his heart is racing and there's sweat covering his skin. Newton's rapid breathing is warm and wet against his throat, and his head is resting on Hermann's shoulder as if he doesn't have the energy to hold it up anymore.

The first though that crosses Hermann's mind as soon as he slowly regains his higher brain functions is that he came in his trousers like a school boy. They didn't even lose their shirts. God, this is so embarrassing. Newton never even touched him _there_. He'd be mortified if Newton wasn't actually in the same state. It's the only thing that makes it bearable. 

There's amusement coming over their still active drift. Hermann can literally hear Newton chuckle at his thoughts, then he reminds Hermann that they're in the middle of their lab, and that they never even locked the door. Hermann is horrified and feels a blush creep up his cheeks, but Newton just chuckles some more. The he lifts his head and and looks at Hermann, a rather stupid grin on his face. "Man, making love while wearing the squiddy is just mind-boggling! I've never even thought of that use before."

"'Squiddy'? Really?" It's the only thing Herman can think of replying, and he feels Newton's amused - no, _smug_ \- smile over the active bridge even before he sees it on his face. Newton knows he blew his mind, they're still connected after all. 

""I invented it, so I have the right to name it. 'Squiddy' it is." Newton's hands are still down the back of Hermann's trousers, and he finds that vaguely distracting.

Newton just grins, a real dirty one, and leans in until his lips are right next to Hermann's ear. "We have to repeat this without the squiddy, though, or I'll never get down to blowing you before we come."

All Hermann can do is sputter in embarrassment while Newton laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so somehow this became an Hermann/Gottlieb fic, but I hope you still liked it - even if it's not one of my usual pairings. I wrote this in the last six days while working a total of 53 hours (well, today that's my day off XD), so you'd make my day by leaving me a wee note! Thank you so much to all of you who were so nice to do so on the last fic - I love you so much for it! *group hug*


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